Someone suggested that I take a long walk on a short pier…

“You need to lighten up, man.”

That was Yahaira. She used to be my wife; now she’s my best friend (she got demoted after our divorce). Yahaira lives down the street, and we gossip through the night about our love lives.

“Let’s have an adventure,” she said.

And what made more sense than overnight camping for two people who don’t own a tent. We borrowed supplies from an over-trusting neighbor and arrived at the campground shortly after eleven … p.m.

“We got a little lost,” said Yahaira. Read the rest of this article »

Brought to you by people with really strange names (evidently their parents didn’t love them very much).

There once was a lonely gyrene
Who whiffed some fatal phosgene.
He’d run out of luck
He’d forgotten to duck,
It is what happens when people get mean.
—Birdman

There is a fine man name of Gene
Who is a virtual limerick machine.
He praises musicians
And pillories politicians,
With his rhymes surprising clean.
—Birdman

Lest you think that man is a clown
Please note he has a big frown
Tho’ his nose is Big Red
His smile is dead
And his mouth is, alas, curling down
—Sir Henry de Tunahuna

While penning a new form of schtick
The bard became pale and got sick
The upchuck he threw
From yesterday’s stew
Spilled into this little limerick
—Sir Henry de Tunahuna

Texas Chili Cook-Off
Note: Please take time to read this slowly. If you pay attention to the first two judges, the reaction of the third judge is even better. For those of you who have lived in Texas, you know how true this is. They actually have a Chili Cook-Off about the time Halloween comes around. It takes up a major portion of a parking lot at the San Antonio City Park. Judge #3 was an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting from Springfield , IL. Read the rest of this article »

Dear Will,
I have a problem with my cat. It seems she is sleeping about 23 hours a day. Do you think she might have chronic fatigue syndrome or a sleep disorder or something?

Should I enroll her in a sleep disorder study? Will they pay me for that?

Or do you think she is just bored with our relationship after 12 years? I can’t afford the vet prices around here and would value your input, Will Fargo. You seem to know so much about everything.

Signed,
Worried Cat Owner… in Monterey Read the rest of this article »