May 2008

Editors Note – May 08

May 1, 2008

One thing we used to do quite a bit of, but have gotten away from in recent months, is publish humorous fiction. With this issue we pick up where we left off, with Jennifer E. Hewitt’s “The Curse of the Two-Ton Lasagna.” I’d like to invite other writers of witty fiction out there to think [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks – All’s Right With The World!

May 1, 2008

All’s right with the world! The world of Foolish Times, that is. All the BS going on in the world today has created a perfect storm for Foolish Times. People are flocking to our publication so fast we have to increase the number of copies distributed (next month) to avoid some of the hostility caused [...]

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The Expiration Date – Breakfast Boy

May 1, 2008

I’m a sales manager in my alter-ego life and, like Pavlov’s dog, have been trained to respond to business cards. I was having breakfast with one of my employees a few weeks ago when I looked up and noticed a very handsome (and vaguely familiar) man sitting by himself nearby. He was smiling and nudging [...]

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School Concerts

May 1, 2008

One of the extra perks we receive as parents of school-aged children is school music concerts. This special bonus is similar to your dentist telling you, “On top of your regular cleaning today, we’re going to throw in a free root canal.” Only with a dentist at least you get to suffer in a reclining [...]

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Adventures With Rex – Checker Mate

May 1, 2008

I had been rummaging through the hall closet looking for my high-school senior year book, deciding if I should attend the reunion. The last one I went to, I found out my old flame had married Stinky Jimenez. In a way I wanted to go to see if they were still together; if they had [...]

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One Man’s Ceiling

May 1, 2008

How is one person’s junk another’s treasure? You could say that beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but backing up one cliché’ with another is likely to have the word police hunt down a writer and slap him silly with a thesaurus. So let’s just say that people have differing views as to [...]

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Jason the Fool – Pads

May 1, 2008

Everyone stared as I pushed my shopping cart through the store … ker-thump, ker-thump, ker-thump. You know, foreign automakers should start building shopping carts if only to force the American cart industry into upgrading that one bad wheel. But it wasn’t the thumpy wheel or that I was trying not to be seen that made [...]

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Bill of Wrongs

May 1, 2008

Congress is currently discussing whether they should pass the Passenger’s Bill of Rights to regulate the behavior of airlines in regards to their passengers. Until the day that it passes, which could be decades from now given the efficiency of Congressional conversations, we will have to deal with the current unwritten, or at least until [...]

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What’s Next, No Pulling Weeds?

May 1, 2008

Next to eating apple pie at Mom’s on a Sunday afternoon following church, there’s nothing more American than washing the Ford in the homestead driveway. It’s a ritual that has few equals, save the occasional fish fry at the Catholic church or the summer 4H fair parade…but next to that, any red-blooded American agrees the [...]

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Sammon Says – Schizophrenia Pros and Cons

May 1, 2008

Schizophrenia is much more than just being a screwed-up psychopathic basket nutcase. There are positive aspects too. What are the pros and cons? First of all, if you’re schizophrenic, you have paranoid delusions of “persecution.” In other words, you think everybody is out to get you. Let me reassure you if you think this. I [...]

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The Curse of the Two-Ton Lasagna

May 1, 2008

“So, he calls me the other day, not to say hello to the kids or tell me when the child support payment would be coming, but to ask me to make him lasagna!” exclaimed Lydia, while wringing the life out of the sponge into the sink. “The nerve of him. As if I’m going to [...]

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Turn the Other Chi

May 1, 2008

Last night my beagle beamed me a practiced Disney-cute look. But I’d fed her already. Or maybe not. Yes…no. Was I cuckoo bananas? The dilemma resolved with a whiff of her bunny-flavored kibble breath. Some Boomers blame memory lapses on aging. Ha, ha, and I suppose they believe aging causes wrinkles too!?! True, we have [...]

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My Bad, Your Bad, Their Bad

May 1, 2008

It’s getting so you can’t eat or buy toys or fly these days without making sure beforehand that you’ve updated your Living Trust. You never know when Mr. Free Market will strike you dead. Just the other day, I pulled up to the drive-in window at McDonald’s and instead of being asked, “Do you want [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers – What Is Politics?

May 1, 2008

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” His dad says, “Well, son, let me try to explain it this way. “You see, I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me capitalism. Your Mom, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to [...]

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Magazines Provide Hope to Aspiring Writers

May 1, 2008

I just got my copy of the “2008 Writer’s Market” reference manual. I’m trying to find markets to submit essays for publication and thought I could find some good leads in it. The section on magazines was particularly encouraging. There is a market for everything. Along with the magazine contact information, they offer Editor tips [...]

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Fool-O-Scope – May 08

May 1, 2008

May Birthdays On your birthday, savor your cake slowly. But lest you forget this foolish advice, swallowing several small semi-melted candles will turn your birthDAY into a week-long celebration also known as Emergency Medical Services Week. ARIES (3/21-4/19): Don’t waste time this month reading Covey’s “Seven Habits.” Instead, examine the origins of Space Day. Space [...]

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So It Goes – Camping

May 1, 2008

Someone suggested that I take a long walk on a short pier… “You need to lighten up, man.” That was Yahaira. She used to be my wife; now she’s my best friend (she got demoted after our divorce). Yahaira lives down the street, and we gossip through the night about our love lives. “Let’s have [...]

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