July 2007

Editors Note July 07

July 1, 2007

Greetings, faithful readers. Tired of the fog yet? Tired of day after day of dreariness? Tired of the depression that stalks you like Churchill’s black dog? Consider getting a divorce. (A joke! We joke around here!) Anyway, this month’s issue is the cure for sure. Jason Love discusses his issues with Time (the concept, not [...]

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The Head Fool Speaks July 07

July 1, 2007

Here we go again—another anniversary! This issue marks three full years of publishing Foolish Times/The Fool. That means it’s time for another PARTY. On the 19th of August bring an appetite for food, laughs, and music to Mexcal restaurant and get your fill. There will be plenty of prizes, which I’ll talk about next month. [...]

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The Best of the Inbox – July 07

July 1, 2007

Police Comments These 16 police comments were taken off actual police car videos around the country: #16:”You know, stop lights don’t come any redder than the one you just went through.” #15:”Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they’re new. They’ll stretch after you wear them a while.” #14:”If you take your hands off the car, [...]

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Fool Laughs – July 07

July 1, 2007

The very latest in jokes, whipped up by our Doctors of Jokology. Yes, you can get a degree in that. The Used Car It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds. As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a one [...]

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Letter for July 07

July 1, 2007

Dear Will Fargo, My name is Zshbula. I come from the planet Zorak. I have to tell you that of all the earthlings I have ever seen, I find you the most attractive. Even though I’ve never actually seen you. I dream about you all the time, Will Fargo. I think I’m obsessed with you. [...]

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Thoughts on Second-Hand T-Shirts

July 1, 2007

How many t-shirts do you own? We live in a culture that produces more t-shirts than anyone knows what to do with. Anyone who spends time sorting through the bargain bins at any thrift store knows this for a fact of life. More importantly, the themes that appear on the front of the t-shirts would [...]

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Hollywood Felines: Hairballs in Hollywood

July 1, 2007

Editor’s Note: This is part I of a shocking two-part series. Everyone is becoming more aware of the problem of anorexia in Hollywood. More and more people, models and actors, are finally speaking out. Fashion designers are starting to enforce standards to define and promote the hiring of healthy runway models.

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Limerick Corner – July 07

July 1, 2007

Brought to you by Anonymous or others who are only secure enough to vaguely identify themselves. As a beauty, I’m not a great star. There are others more handsome by far. But my face, I don’t mind it, Because I’m behind it. ‘Tis the folks in the front that I jar. —Anthony Euwer

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Fool-O-Scope – July 07

July 1, 2007

July birthdays: You share your birthday month with Canada, the United States, governor of California Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Henry David Thoreau. But when asked to reveal your age, you’re as secretive as Thomas Cruise Mapother IV and his Scientology buddies. ARIES (3/21 – 4/19) To win the Tour de France is an incredible feat, especially [...]

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Monterey Man Discovers Atlantis

July 1, 2007

DATELINE—Monterey, CA Local mild-mannered real estate broker, Tom Burns, claims to have discovered the fabled Lost Continent of Atlantis… here in Monterey County. In a rare interview, Mr. Burns agreed to tell the Foolish Times the tantalizing details.

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Make Up Rex

July 1, 2007

A few years ago I picked up Rex at the dog pound. He’s a small black Dachshund, and my life hasn’t been the same since. If Rex were the Road-Runner, I would be Wile E. Coyote. If Rex were Stan Laurel, I would be Oliver Hardy. I can never win . . . I can [...]

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Tony’s Ticklers

July 1, 2007

A Montana cowboy was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses, and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly [...]

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July Whiz Bang!

July 1, 2007

You can’t get any more summer, or summerish, than July. July is the hottest month of the year, and the most American month because of the Fourth of July. And how do we celebrate that glorious day? By exploding off Mexican-made firecrackers that were originally a Chinese invention. It makes sense. After all, how better [...]

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Wake Up and Smell the Coffee Pot Melting

July 1, 2007

How do you know when it’s going to be a bad day? For starters, it might be a bad day if you wake up to the sound of the smoke alarm going off at 5 AM in the morning like I did the other day. With the alarm screaming, I hit the floor and ran [...]

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What? The Unknown Cartoonist

July 1, 2007

Send in your thoughts as to what you think Unknown’s meaning is on the Two Dogs cartoon and win a $25 gift card to the new Pink Tuna Sushi restaurant. Send your response by clicking on comments at the bottom of this page or through our contact form or snail mail. Next month we’ll print [...]

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Punctuality

July 1, 2007

My issues with time started early, when I kept my mom in labor so long that Dr. Rabban finally came after me with tongs. In grade school, I routinely missed the bus and had to be driven to school—manually—by same mother. How, she wondered aloud to the dog, could her son spend 30 minutes playing [...]

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